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Ask the Patriarch 92
Is there an Agnostic Trinity?

from George Folsom

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Godfrey Higgins in this monumental work, The Origin of Nations, Languages and Religion, discovered that nearly all religions as far back as history is known had a 3-part Deity. These Deities, according to Higgins, when studied in depth, all resolved themselves into the sun. Apparently human history likes a 3-part Deity that has something to do with the creative force, Sun or Son and a ghost-like force that moves back and forth between people and higher or lower level beings. If this is true, does the Apathetic Agnostic Church have or feel the need for a 3-part Non-Deity or Trinity? I assume you can’t have a Deity because Deity means God. Being a recovering Baptist, can you help me replace “The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost” with an appropriate Agnostic Trinity.

Also, is there something I can do to replace the symbolic cannibalism of Christian Communion? As an Agnostic, can I just have wine with cheese and crackers while watching the sunset? If so, is there a certain wine label, flavor of cracker or brand of cheese I should partake of?


The Patriarch replies:


I'm not much on creating symbolism, but I'll see what I can do.

First, your Trinity...

Centrally, as the sun element, I would suggest Huxley. After all he coined the term.

For the creative element, my preference would be Protagoras who I consider the first agnostic. However, a worthy alternative might be Voltaire.

And for the communicator role, I recommend Ingersoll. Other options might be Darwin, or perhaps, if one is on the left politically, Bertrand Russell. There are a few more recent prominent agnostics who might fill the role, but I think it is better that history render a verdict before we elevate someone into the pantheon.

Secondly, your wine & cheese ceremony...

This is a matter of personal taste, and everyone should make their own decisions. As most of my wine consumption is home-made, (I just finished bottling 7 1/2 cases or 18 gallons and just started the same amount in primary fermentation) I am not all that familiar with commercial labels. But, when I do buy, I have a family weakness for Tyrrell wines from Australia. They are quite good, and generally reasonably priced. For crackers, my preference is Stoned Wheat Thins. And in the cheese line, I most like Stilton, and aged cheddar. If you can find a 7-year old cheddar made from unpasteurized milk, then you could almost believe in heaven. All of these things, my doctor tells me, are bad for my blood pressure.