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Ask the Patriarch 3
People who need spellcheck

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From someone identifying himself as Jesus Harold Christ:

Am I a Big Giant Retard (rhetoric) or is the message baord a major pain in the ass to reach, i mean (and I mean this without any sort of agression or negative energy) but where the F*** is it? A good idea might be to post a link to it on the main page......

The Patriarch of the Church responds:

Dear Mr. Christ

The Message Board is for members only. We have no record of a Jesus Christ (regardless of middle name) ever joining our church. And we happen to think that if a real Jesus Christ contacted us, he would have the courage to provide a genuine email address.

And with respect to your opening rhetorical question, we will not insult Big Giant Retards by suggesting you are sufficiently qualified to join them.


From Ben - who had the courtesy to provide a real email address

why sir, do you capitolize Christ, Christian, and Church in your writings if you do not believe, as most of existance does that these are superior to other words? Also why do you celebrate Christ's birthday without him, I understand you enjoy indulging yourself but you could do it in someone else's name besides His name on high. You simply cannot celebrate one's birthday without celebrating them.


Capitalization of the initial letters certain words has everything to do with correct spelling and usage, and nothing to do with superiority. Certainly, I did not capitalize Ben in my salutation to suggest I think you are in some way superior, but rather because it is standard practice to capitalize the first letters of people's names.

As to why I celebrate Christmas; if you took the time to actually read the relevant article on the web site (Meditation 17), you would not need to ask the question. You should rather ask yourself why you celebrate Christmas. Traditionally it was a minor event on the Christian calendar, (particularly inferior to Easter and even to Circumcision.) It is not even the true date of his purported birth - which if you studied your bible carefully, you would find to be most probably on the Feast of Tabernacles which came (depending on in which year the event actually occurred) in late September or early October. That is in the autumn, not in winter.

I suggest you learn the history and facts of your own religion before criticizing others. And though a little early to do so, I heartily wish you a good yuletide this year.