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Ask the Patriarch 61
It is all my secratarry's fault
And my dog ate my homework, too.

from Ken C.

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I am wondering why you have denied my application. (editor's note: this was an application for ordination, submitted less than 24 hours after a Bachelor of Adequacy degree had been issued.) I thought I had done all that I was suppose to. Please write me and explain to me what I did to be denied, and hopefully we can rectify matters.

the Patriarch replies:

Mr. C.:

  1. FULLY read the page from which you applied for your Bachelor of Adequacy degree, paying particular attention to the multiple application policy.
  2. FULLY read the page from which you applied for ordination, paying particular attention to the multiple application policy.
  3. FULLY read the covering letter for your degree. (Yes! We specifically took the trouble to remind you yet again of the multiple application policy.)
  4. FULLY read the note at the beginning of the ordination application form. (Yes! You were reminded one more time of the multiple application policy.)
  5. And to know how to "rectify matters," FULLY READ THIS

It is just not possible for someone who reads things to know what they are getting into before they apply, to be unaware of the multiple application policy. And I'm not interested in ordaining those who cannot read, or cannot be bothered to read, particularly when you are considering something with the potential importance of joining an organization. Nor am I interested in ordaining those who abuse this free service.

Ken C. responds: (within a day)

What happened was, my secratarry is the one who sent in the double application. She found a note that indicated that I needed to apply to you. She did not know that I already had sent it in. I hope that you will be able to see past this human error, and finish my ordination. Thank you again.

the Patriarch replies:

- Nah! I didn't bother replying again. What's the point? This clown can't be bothered reading. Nor can his imaginary "secratarry." And this is why I normally do not engage in correspondence about rejected applications.