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Ask the Patriarch 55
A Schismatic Group

from: AD Macrae

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Sir:

Having Found the Way to your Church, I had chosen to seek basic affiliation. However, on reflection, it seems that as a True Apathetic Agnostic, I simply can't be arsed.

Accordingly, I have formed a schismatic group, consisting of myself, named the True, Reformed Church of Apathetic Agnosticism.

I am considering excommunicating you for hearsay. Or possibly heresy. Whichever.

Any of your members wishing to flee your doomed organisation and Seek the True Path, may email me at the above address, sending registration fees of $10.00. No personal details are required, as I Already Know Who You Are.

Thank you.

Soapy Sam, Archbishop and God, The True, Reformed Church of Apathetic Agnosticism.

the Patriarch replies:

My dear Archbishop Soapy Sam(?)

I regret you don't understand the concept of excommunication.

You cannot excommunicate anyone from an organization which has not had that person as a communicant.

As I have never been a member of your operation, your threat is rather empty.

Regardless, I wish you best of luck with your ecclesiastical endeavours.

John Tyrrell