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Ask the Patriarch 4
An open letter to the Reverend Michael C. Phillips

Periodically we get applications for ordination from those who wish to preach another religion, usually one form of Christianity or another. Here is my response to one of those individuals. A discussion has been opened for various updates on this individual. To add your comments, please use the contact page.

Application for Ordination:

First Name: michael

Middle Name or Initial (optional): c

Surname (Last Name):: phillips

Your e-mail address: mikephillips@freeadvice.com

I accept the Articles of Faith of The Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic: Yes

I wish to take on the responsibility of spreading information about the Church and its teachings to others: Yes

What do you wish to be ordained as?: Minister

Which degree are you applying for: Master of Apathy & Nescience

(Optional)In lieu of a Masters Degree, I request a Mistress Degree.:Yes

City / County / Town (optional): burlington

Province / State and Country: n.c.

If you have a related web site and wish a link exchange, please enter the URL: website.lawinfo.net/technology/united_christian_ministries.html (Now a dead link)

Comments / Feedback: JEsus is my savor

The Patriarch of the Church responds:

Dear Reverend Phillips:

Thank you for your application for ordination. And also thank you for your separate application for membership in our Church, submitted in spite of the clear request that both applications not be submitted.

It always pleases me to receive requests such as yours, and I do receive them regularly. By rejecting them, we can establish that we have certain minimum standards for ordination. We do not ordain everyone who applies. And by rejecting individuals such as you, we give the ordinations we do approve increased credibility. We are not an ordination mill, blindly approving everything we receive.

Why am I rejecting your application? Because on your two ministry web sites you claim you are already ordained (thus rending an ordination by our Church superfluous to your legitimate needs) and because on both your web sites you claim to be an independent minister of the united christain faith minstries. (I assume you mean Christian rather than christain and ministries rather than minstries - but you do seem to have a problem with spelling.) However, we expect our ministers to conduct an Agnostic Ministry, not a Christian one.

Perhaps your two ministry web sites are intended to be a parody, but as in both, you give prominent place to a request for money (you can send check or moneyorder to Rev. michael c.phillips ministries to help the ministries to save lost souls) I have to assume that indeed you are conducting a traditional Christian ministry. (I wonder how you Christian ministers square your endless requests for money with the biblical story of Christ tossing the money changers out of the temple.) Plus, I note your remark in the Comments / Feedback section of your application. Again, I assume that there is a spelling mistake and you mean "saviour." Are you indeed tasting Jesus?

Another reason for rejecting your application is because I believe you have made false statements. In both your applications, you stated that you accept our articles of faith. I suggest to you that in both cases you lied. And in your ordination application, you stated that you would take on the responsibility of spreading information about the Church and its teachings to others. Again, in my opinion, a lie.

Perhaps the Christian ministry accepts prevaricators. Our Church would prefer to exclude them from our ministry.

If you were merely seeking credentials from us, consider taking on the challenges offered in Meditations 20 and 38. Both offer Ph.D. degrees to successful responses, and your Christian ministry experience should qualify you to submit well researched articles in reply.

One final piece of advice: when giving the URL of your web site out so as to attract visitors, consider giving the correct URL. This a rather basic technique in attempting to proselytize on the web. Of course why anyone would locate a Christian ministry in the technology section of a legal issues web host is just beyond my understanding.