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Ask the Patriarch 2
Will you ordain me as...?

To give your own views on this question and reply for publication, please use the contact page to provide your comments.

We are fairly open as to what designations we provide to our ordained clergy. But we do reject some requests for a variety of reasons, both reasonable and unreasonable. Following is a sample:

Will you ordain me as -

- Satan's Hands

In our opinion, requesting to be known as"Satan's Hands" reflects a belief in a deity, albeit an evil one rather than a supposed good one. We cannot approve this request.

- Weasel Master

We are advised that to be internationally recognized, this designation can only be issued by the Loyal Order of Weasels. Instead, we have ordained you simply as a Master.

- Goddess

Unfortunately we are unable to determine whether or not you actually possess the full attributes of a deity. And to issue such a designation would undermine the Articles of Faith of the Church. Accordingly, we have ordained you as a Priestess.

- Chaplin

I am not qualified to certify slapstick acting ability.Consequently, I have ordained you as a Chaplain