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Ask the Patriarch 1
Do I have to wear a veil?

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GJD writes from England:

As a recent convert to your Church, I have some important questions not answered in your credo. Enlightenment from the Elders is therefore sought on the following key issues:

1} How many wives can I have? Five would be nice if they all had jobs.

2} Do I have to wear a veil in public?

3} Would I have to stop worshipping David Beckham? (He's a footballer. Football is a graceful, skillful game played by using the FOOT to kick a BALL How you Yanks can call that other silly game that consists entirely of very large men throwing an oval ball around and running into each other a lot "Football", is a total mystery to most of us in the UK branch of the Church.)

4} What should I feel guilty about? (There must be something)

The Patriarch of the Church responds:

You may have as many wives as each of your wives may have husbands.

On wearing a veil - seek your mother's advice. If even she thinks your face should be hidden from public view, she is probably correct.

Your worship of David Beckham is perhaps questionable. His wife (AKA Posh Spice) may be a more appropriate object of adoration. (In retrospect as of April 2012, GJD may have been correct in his preference. Beckham has shown more staying power as a professional athlete than I expected.)

Please consult an atlas and determine the location of the city in which your IUN degree was issued. Then perhaps you would realize "you Yanks" is an inappropriate term in addressing the Patriarch of the Church. Consider this error carefully, then you can feel guilty.

 

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