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A Miscellany 13
How many Christians?

from Jorge

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How Many Christians Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

  • Charismatic: Just 1 - Hands are already in the air.
  • Pentecostal: 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
  • Presbyterians: None - Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
  • Roman Catholic: None - Candles only. (Of guaranteed origin, of course.)
  • Baptists: At least 15 - One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
  • Episcopalians: 3 - One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old light bulb was.
  • Mormons: 5 - One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
  • Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
  • Methodists: Undetermined - Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
  • Nazarene: 6 - One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
  • Lutherans: None - Lutherans don't believe in change.
  • Amish: What's a light bulb?