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Meditation 723
It Happens

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In thinking about writing the previous Meditation, my initial idea was to go a little further with the idea that we don't have to point at a god or demons as a reason for senseless events. I'd intended to expand on the second last paragraph by building upon the greatest philosophical concept to come out of the'70s: "Shit happens." Sometimes it's good shit, sometimes it's bad shit, but still, "Shit happens."

I decided, and rightly so, that Meditation 722 had enough of a message without going there. But still, some of the research I did should not go to waste[1], so here is a selection of religious, economic and philosophical views on "Shit happens."

  • Agnostic 1: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
  • Agnostic 2: Did someone shit?
  • Agnostic 3: What is this shit?
  • Apathetic Agnostic: I don't let that shit bother me.
  • Atheism 1: What shit?
  • Atheism 2: I can't believe this shit!
  • Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
  • Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
  • Capitalism: That's MY shit.
  • Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
  • Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
  • Christian Science 1: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
  • Christian Science 2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
  • Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
  • Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
  • Communism: It's everybody's shit.
  • Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
  • Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another
  • Creationism: God made all this shit.
  • Darwinism: Shit is still evolving
  • Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it
  • Existentialism 1: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
  • Existentialism 2: What is shit, anyway?
  • Feminism: Men are shit.
  • Fundamentalism 1: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. Amen
  • Fundamentalism 2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
  • Fundamentalism 3: Shit must be born again.
  • Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
  • Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
  • Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
  • Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
  • Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
  • Islam 1: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
  • Islam 2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
  • Islam 3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
  • Jehovah's Witnesses 1: Knock Knock Shit happens.
  • Jehovah's Witnesses 2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit
  • Jehovah's Witnesses 3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening
  • Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
  • Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
  • Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it
  • Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
  • Mormonism 1: God sent us this shit.
  • Mormonism 2: This shit is going to happen again.
  • Nihilism: No shit.
  • Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
  • Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
  • Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
  • Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
  • Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
  • Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
  • Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
  • Secular Humanism: Let's share this shit
  • Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
  • Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
  • Taoism: Shit happens.
  • Unitarian 1: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another
  • Unitarian 2: Come let us reason together about this shit.
  • Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
  • Wiccan: And it harm none, let shit happen.
  • Zen Buddhism 1: Shit is, and is not.
  • Zen Buddhism 2: What is the sound of shit happening?
  • Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half of the time.

Footnote:

  1. Not to mention that writing about shit helped me feel clean again after visiting Fred Phelps' various websites for the previous meditation.