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Agnostic Testimony 2
From Catholic to Apathetic Agnostic Minister

By: Eric Benavidez

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So much has happened to me in my short 21.5 years of existence on this earth. The first eighteen years I lived as a Roman Catholic, having been raised in that fallacious faith. Then, shortly before my nineteenth birthday, I figured out that I am gay. It was a wonderful discovery that I shared with all my friends, and I felt so liberated having discovered that, until I told my younger sister about my being gay. She freaked out, to say the least.

Then I started to think about many things, about the discrimination that gays experience in the land of the free, about the culture that my family lived in, and the like. Also, at this time, the Catholic church started coming out as being anti-gay, in the most politically correct manner that it could. (Homosexuality is not the sin; homosexual acts are.) Also, I noticed that many sects of Christianity tended to be anti-gay, but there were some Christian groups that accepted gays. One of them was the Independent Catholic Church, which was basically Catholicism without the guilt and bigotry (even more so than the Episcopal faith). Naturally, I started to go to Mass there.

That worked out for a while, until I started to think about what I was doing there. Being there felt right and wrong at the same time. It felt right because I was doing all the things that I had done growing up, but for some unidentifiable reason, it felt so wrong. Then one day, after thinking about it, I decided that there was something fundamentally wrong with Christianity or even faith in general. So then I proceeded in trying to refine my beliefs.

I had looked at the Bible in several different places to see what it said about homosexuality, and indeed, it does say that homosexuals deserve death in both Deuteronomy and in Romans. This troubled me greatly, being the homosexual that I am. It felt less and less right to go to any church that used the Bible because of such hateful words contained within it. Certainly, the Bible has several good things in it, but mixed within it are many bad things and contradictions, as well.

So then came the question: If I don't believe Christianity, then what do I believe? I thought about this for days and then decided that agnosticism is the most true belief that exists. After all, since so many people of many different religions say that they believe in The One, True Faith, and that no other faith holds the truth, how are we supposed to know which one, if any, is The One, True Faith? Then, it dawned upon me: if I can't know which faith is the true one, then how can I know if God even exists? There's no real evidence either way, and all those prayers that I said years ago seemed to have gone nowhere. Then is when I became agnostic.

Shortly thereafter, I started to read about agnosticism on the web. A quick Google search took me to this Church. After reading the name of it, Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, I laughed. It sounded entirely silly - and being a somewhat goofy person, I explored it deeper. I spent a while reading the Articles of Faith, Meditations, and other content, learning that part of the purpose of this Church is to remind us to laugh at ourselves. Soon enough, I became a member of the Church. At that time, I wasn't sure if I wanted to be an ordained minster of the Church. After all, I was just beginning my journey in Apathetic Agnosticism. After a short time of being a member, I decided that I wanted to spread the word of Apathetic Agnosticism to others. I thought that it was important for me to take on the Apathetic Agnostic ministry, even in a miniscule manner if that's all I could do. (After all, I'm a college student taking many hours of classes and barely have enough time for sanity, let alone Apathetic Agnostic evangelism. But then again, the Apathetic Agnostic evangelism does help lower my stress levels.) So I submitted my application for ordination, and on December 7, 2004, I was ordained a Minister of this Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic.

Now these days, there is no going back for me. Although I may go to Mass from time to time with family or friends who are unfortunately still Roman Catholic, I don't let any part of the Mass affect my beliefs. In fact, I sit there as an outside observer, wondering how people can actually believe that it is true. During the silent times, I meditate about many different things instead of asking the God that may or may not exist (and who doesn't even care, anyway) for favors like I did as a naive youngster.

 

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